No. 219 “Coming home again” – 16/8/16

Do we love the idea of a wanderer, someone far from home,

Because it means that we’d be ok if we were all alone?

A trail of lights left on, catch me and I know I’m near,

To the last bend of the road, leading me on to a place so dear.

-zu

I know, I’m sorry, I’m trying to be regular! Anyway, what do you think of my poem? I’m not convinced about the ending, I think it’s a little weak. Tell me what you think! 😊

 

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10 thoughts on “No. 219 “Coming home again” – 16/8/16

  1. Zoe ..I’m not hot on criticising the work of another… but I can see you want feedback and if I was brave enough to self-criticise like you have, I’d really hope someone would respond! .. all I can think to say is where are you in the poem?.. do you want independence that allows you to be content on a solitary journey? Is it the sentiment, the metre, or rhyme that you think is weak???

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your comment 😊 This poem was really just a passing thought that I had, and I think you’ve summed it up there, “independence that allows you to be content on a solitary journey”. The part that doesn’t sit well with me is that last little bit, “leading me on to a place so dear” since I wrote based solely on words that rhyme 😂 and yes, the sentiment, although it’s fine, does seem a little wishy-washy. This is a poem I will continue to revise.

      Like

  2. perhaps for love of wandering, we go far from home
    knowing all the while, we are okay although alone
    lights that lead me back, throat catching to be near
    so gently bends the road, sight place that I hold dear

    A gift for you my dear for enjoying my poetry.

    Liked by 1 person

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